Couples who consistently refer to themselves as “we” may get on the nerves of singletons everywhere, but spouses who use this “couple-focused” language may fare better during conflicts than those who don’t, according to a study announced this week.
The study found that using personal pronouns, such as “we,” “our” and “us,” when talking about a conflict was associated with more positive behaviors between the pair, such as affection, less negative behavior (like anger), and lower physiological stress levels during the disagreement.
On the other hand, using words that expressed “separateness,” such as “I,” “you,” and “me,” during the discussion was associated with marital dissatisfaction.
Discussions regarding marital disagreements can sometimes turn into hostile interactions, said study researcher Benjamin Seider, a graduate student in psychology at the University of California, Berkeley. “And our thinking is that, using the ‘we’ words in that context can maybe help realign the couple, and help them to see themselves as being on the same team as opposed to adversaries,” he told LiveScience.
However, since the results are based on conversations that took place in a laboratory setting, more research is needed to firm up the findings.
Conflict conversations
The study involved 154 middle-aged and older couples who were in their first marriages.
