Hearing of a parent (more often the mother) raising a child by themselves is nothing new to America. Sometimes it’s due to the mother not knowing who the father is, or the father or mother deciding they don’t want to deal with any kids and just walking out. However, now there is new trend to pay more attention to. In 2009, especially in the black and hispanic communities, it’s more likely for a child to have a parent that is incarcerated for an extended length of time than it is to just have that parent walk out. This trend is more delicate than the others because not treated the right way that child could possibly continue the cycle.
Children, like adults, have distinct personalities. At some point they notice their house is missing something that others aren’t. At some point they are to going to ask why that missing parent is missing. They will want to know where they are and if they did something wrong.
If you, the single parent, treat the incarceration of the other parent as a nonchalant situation, than your child will most likely do the same. That child may at some point idolize that parent and want to do everything they did. Get into trouble, commit crimes, and eventually end up in prison. They will not know any better. They will think it’s ok because when they were first presented with the facts, ok is how you responded. But if you take the responsible role things could turn out very different.
Incarceration, whether guilty or innocent, is no easy life. Prison is not some fun place that gives you a break from reality. When answering the questions your child may ask, make sure you let them know that its no game. Explain the seriousness of bad decisions and the consequences that go with breaking the law. Take the initiative and find positive role models for your children. Get them active in positive activities (sports, clubs, camps). There are many organizations available that will help you do the best you can to ensure your child will succeed, some with no fees at all.
Montor.org offers a free mentor partnership program for children of incarcerated parents from age 4-18
Big Brother Big Sister Organization matches children with a person of the same sex to interact with on a regular basis
It’s time we break the cycle of grandparents, parents, and children of the same family going to jail. Someone has to take a stance at some point. We have way to many of our children with criminal records before they reach high school. They should not be spending their teenage years nor their adulthood following the footsteps of their missing parents. The situation should be looked at as a lesson learned not a pattern to continue.
As parents we can only teach our children so much. When everything is all said and done they will make their own choices. But if we begin teaching them positive fundamentals while they are still young, it is more likely that they will continue to use those fundamentals.
